Predator: Stargazers
by Hawki
Summary: Oneshot: Perhaps humanity was too stupid to survive. By 2018, they should have learnt that capturing aliens never ends well.


**Stargazers**

It occurred to Colonel Addison that Project Stargazer had really sucked at its job.

Did it still count as "sucking," or was their ineptitude all in the past tense? She wasn't sure. Granted, "sucking" wasn't the most eloquent word in the English language, and sitting in the briefing room of the Project Stargazer site, she found herself looking for synonyms – blowing. Fucking (it up). Failing. Embarrassing (the human race). Quite a few things that ended with "ing." As she watched Doctor Blunt walk in, she finally found the right word.

"You guys had one job, and you fucked it up."

Granted, that wasn't one word. On the other hand, none of those words ended with "ing," so she figured the two balanced out.

"I'm not with those guys," Blunt murmured.

"Yes, I heard. Bit of a shakeup with the project."

Blunt didn't say anything. Nor did any of the other people that followed him into the room – a mix of civilian and military, none of which looked happy to be here.

 _Good. It'll keep them on their toes._

She waited for them all to sit down. Afterwards, she stood up.

"I'm going to keep this brief," she said. "This is an absolute FUBAR, and trust me, I've seen some FUBARs in my time."

"Ma'am, if I may-"

"You had one job," she said, beginning to pace around the room. "One single job. I mean, I thought you had an understanding with the Department of Defence – we give you billions of dollars each year in the promise that you deliver to us an alien, or alien tech, or both."

"We-"

She shot the grunt a look – this was her speech, and she didn't want any interruptions.

"Finally, last year, you manage to get us not an alien, not its tech, but both." She clapped her hands together. "After decades of operation, you finally managed to accomplish something. And what happens?"

No-one answered.

"What happens?" she repeated.

A few of the people below her exchanged uneasy glances.

"That was a question by the way, but alright, I'll talk." She began pacing around again. "You get one of these Hunters-"

"Predators," a scientist murmured.

" _Predators_ , in here. You sedate it. You keep it bound. You keep dozens of troopers on base armed with guns that I'm assuming were designed to kill things. You even get a uni professor in to help, because you're so damned confident that this is going to turn out well. After that…well, do you want to see the footage?" She held up a pointer, gesturing towards the screen at the back of the room. A room that was filled with silence.

"Anyone?" she asked. "No-one wants to see how our Predator wakes up? How he tears through everyone? How after God knows how many drills, you lose at least two dozen men and women to an alien that isn't even armed? I mean, I could play it for you, if you want an example of just how incompetent you actually are."

"We've seen the videos," Blunt murmured.

"Have you now?" She lowered the pointer. "Have you also seen the helmet recordings of the two fighters we sent after the Predator ship? How their missiles did nothing against their shields, and after firing, were blown out of the sky seconds later? Have you actually comprehended just how fucked the human race is if these things ever actually decide to move in?"

No-one answered.

"Let's assume that you have, so I don't need to run the numbers for you." She sighed, sitting down at the desk. "Y'know, from what I've heard, these things have been hunting us for centuries. There's even some theories that they may have been partly responsible for the birth of some of our civilizations."

Blunt scoffed. "You're not seriously accepting Lex Woods's rantings as writ are you?"

"I don't know. Are you denying that there was a bloody pyramid buried under Antarctica?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Are you also denying that less than a week later, we had to wipe the town of Gunnison off the map?"

"I'm not saying-"

"Are you denying that the Yutani Corporation has had a plasma pistol for fourteen years, and so far accomplished jack point shit?"

Blunt didn't say anything. No-one did.

"Didn't think so." She laid back in her chair, smirking. "Y'know, I'm not sure which is worse really. Project Stargazer's operated for decades before accomplishing anything. Yutani's had the Predator tech for only a fraction of the time…but have accomplished nothing regardless."

No-one said anything and she eyed the room. Of all the people here, no-one was present from Yutani, or Weyland Industries for that matter. If they were, she suspected that at least one of them would be walking out of this room with a sore ear.

"Anyway," she said. "Let's assume for a moment that this isn't a universe where the human race is screwed by virtue of Hunters-"

"Predators."

"and bug things existing that want to kill us." One of the scientists opened their mouth, likely to wax lyrical about those "bug things" not really wanting anything in the human sense, but thankfully, he decided to not waste her time. "Let's assume that my question about the Predator Killer suit is going to have a happy answer. That when I ask you how it's going, you're going to give me a nice bright smile, tell me everything's right in the world, and that I can bring back some good news to the people I report to."

No-one said anything. They just looked around, making eye contact with the walls and ceiling.

Addison sighed. "Fine. Let's hear it."

"It's…difficult," Blunt said.

"Of course it's difficult, what else?"

"We're making progress. McKenna's a willing guinea pig, and his son is practically a savant, but…"

"But?"

He actually made contact with Addison this time. "If you delivered a helicopter to a band of Neanderthals, how quickly would they learn how to use it?"

"I don't know. We managed it with NBE-01."

More uneasy looks were exchanged.

"Yes, I know about that," Addison said. "I know you're not Sector Seven, but sometimes I wonder. I mean, both of you keep alien lifeforms locked up in dams, and both of you fail in keeping them there. Only at the Hoover Dam, they managed to reverse some tech before the shit hit the fan."

"We didn't get a city destroyed," Blunt murmured.

"No, you didn't, and thankfully, the people of Mission City are a group of inbred morons who are willing to believe that robots brawling in their streets are drones gone rogue." She couldn't help but chuckle at that – there was something to be said about knowing stuff about evil robots in pyramids, the dark side of the moon, robot dragons with robot knights, and bloody robot dinosaurs. There was something even more to be said when you were the only person in the room who knew about it. On the other hand, that meant she knew about bug people, robot people, and hunter people, all of which were willing and able to cause grievous bodily harm to a race of people that never fell short of their capacity for idiocy. Gunnison had been forgotten. Mission City had been forgotten. Chances were if Traeger had been right, that the Predator visits were increasing due to Earth shifting towards a hot-house state, then the human race would be forgotten as well. After all, there was nothing to suggest that these Predators didn't do their hunting on worlds besides Earth.

"So then," Addison said. "No progress on the Predator Killer. No progress on reversing climate change. No progress on anything to safeguard the future of the human race against Predators who should be called Hunters, but are called that because the human race is a bunch of idiots?"

No-one said anything.

"Didn't think so."

* * *

 _A/N_

 _So, having watched_ The Predator _, is it just me, or does Project Stargazer really suck at its job? Like, I know yautja have super speed and strength, but damn, you've got an unarmed yautja, dozens of mercs, and you fail spectacuarly in stopping it from escaping, despite having drills for this thing?_

 _Then again, if_ Transformers _has shown us anything, it's that keeping aliens inside dams rarely works out, so, hey, go figure._


End file.
